I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ttyl tear gas
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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