I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
