Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
