i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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