shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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