Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
