How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
