at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
