Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He better not be in your backpack
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
