Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
