My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
