phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
