Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
