Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am one with the molecules
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
