i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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