people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
