whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
