Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
