sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
