you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
