I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bring me that man meat
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
