I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
