I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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