Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
