My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
