i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
