thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
