I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
