NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
