Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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