I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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