I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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