I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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