he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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