Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
