I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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