So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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