they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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