We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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