You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
