I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
