So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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