New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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