how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
