I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
only if we run a train.
done.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
