Sponge bath it is.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
