She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
