Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
