on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
