some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
