i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
