swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
