Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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