they need to just BURY HIM!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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