I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
