last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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