he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
