the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
