Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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