don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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