If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
