I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
