i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
