he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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