I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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