love makes seman taste better
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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