So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
