I puked a lego.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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