Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
