They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
where are my eyebrows?
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